Touched by an Angel

It's been what, three weeks?

Yes.

Day in and day out I've been thinking of how to just come out with what I feel.

Mostly, it's been about figuring out how I feel.

I've been meaning to do a decent post since... well, I've always meant to.

The thing is (and I just have to say it before I ramble and be all taking too long to get to it) something's happened.

No, no one died or anything but i's something that's had a big impact on me.

For the lack of a better encapsulating phrase, my world's been turned upside down and shook out.

It hasn't been fun.

Somehow, I feel like I'm the same person (with what I like and whatnot) but different (with how I view things, how I act and how I feel).

I've been withdrawn, somewhat.

I still like polish, makeup and whatnot but it's just not the same.

I've been trying to escape the bleh moments with spontaneity but it doesn't happen much.

But enough about that.

Like I said, I've been meaning to post decently (with products of the month, etc) but today something happened that just woke me up.

On my way to school, as I was about to cross the street, I just looked and waited for the green man to appear.

It flashed and when I looked left a jeep was speeding, not bothering to stop or slow down.

I made way to move back with all sense of me and someone half-grabbed, half-tapped my arm thinking I wasn't moving back.

I didn't know who that was. I had no clue. But at that moment I didn't feel so lost anymore.

I knew what I was.

Alone, trying to find myself, I wanted to cry and suddenly nothing really matters anymore other than me being okay or trying to be. I felt like it was a message as calm washed over me with each step that I took after the raging jeep passed.

So the truth is I'm not okay. I'm not sure when I'll be at tip top shape. I'm living one day at a time and I'm tired of sharing myself because I feel like all my life I've been giving too much of myself.

I don't know if I'm coming back. I thought my blogging days wouldn't be so short lived but I wouldn't want to post crap here.

What I'm sure of though is this: when I do come back, be it for a day, be it for random sporadic posts, I'd be different.

And so I leave you with this

'Til then,
Love muchness,
Ciao